She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
