I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
