I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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