thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
