You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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