Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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