Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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