My balls are so social today.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
