well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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