I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
