You can't motorboat a personality
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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