Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
