Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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