; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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