i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
