my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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