the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my sisters under your porch take her home
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
