I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
