He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
