Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
