He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
