i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
