you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
