I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I would fuck him just for his dog
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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