It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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