Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
