New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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