you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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