My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
