i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
