Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drunk is not a location!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
