mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
