I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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