i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
