If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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