FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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