There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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