Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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