Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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