shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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