This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
