i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dignity is for republicans.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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