the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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