So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
