I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
