Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
