My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A bitchslap is in order.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
