I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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