I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My pussy is not your playground.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
