The maid of honor just puked.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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