whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
